It's funny because...

I have a strong dislike for typical American sitcoms.

There are only a few I have seen which I don't have an intense hatred for. Seinfeld was tolerable. Frasier had its moments. Arrested Development was pretty good actually.

For the remaining 1.6billion hours of excruciatingly awful comedy produced for your viewing pleasure can be collected in a large heshen sack, hung from a tree and beaten repeatedly with assorted pointy sticks.

The contents of this sack probably include:

• “According to Jim”. A top quality sitcom about a lazy, pig headed bad father who frequently impresses his hot wife with his incompetence, general poor hygiene and unwillingness to wear pants. I didn’t know you could fit that much laughter in a can until I had the pleasure of sitting through half an episode of this comedic piece of shit.
• “Full House”. I actually used to enjoy this show when I was five. I managed to catch an old episode a few months back and realised that it’s more creepy than funny to have 3 fully grown men (one of them frequently sporting a sock puppet to aid his apparent split personality) loitering around a house filled with kids who have almost no interaction with the outside world. Where are the Olsen twins now as a result of this poor upbringing?
• “The Nanny”. My goodness. If I was Niles the butler I would have stabbed every single member of the household up to 40 times with a letter opener at some point during episode 1. Nobody will ever get sick of the interaction between Ms Fine and Ms Babcock, complete with Niles’ witty innuendo that will keep both adult and children viewers in stitches. To top it all off, we have to deal with Brian. Where is Brian these days? My guess is he was kicked out of college for installing a webcam in the girls bathrooms, and now struggles to pay the rent in his crappy apartment while he works as an assistant fish scaler in a predominantly black neighbourhood with the sixth highest homicide rate in America. You suck Brian and your all-too-frequently sexual remarks aren’t cute when you’re 26.
• “Family Matters”. This one went prime time. Are we really supposed to believe a spastic like Urkel wouldn’t have been arrested after the tenth attempt of getting into Laura’s bathroom?
• “Harry & the Hendersons”. A family comedy about Chewbacca’s retarded cousin, Harry. Even his name is funny because it almost sounds like “hairy”. I think that joke was the sole reason why this comedy made it on your tv sets. I enjoyed the family car with the fake wood panels on the side, but the rest of this series was the comedic equivalent to publicly shitting yourself after being squeezed firmly by a python.
• “Blossom”. Reeeeeeally wanted to throw misc items at this girl. Hated every second of every episode ever aired – and I was TEN at the time. Just the sight of her made me rage. She might be the main contributing factor behind this blog.

Americans don’t understand irony. Everything needs to be explained to the audience which removes the last skerrick of enjoyment from working out for yourself why a certain remark or occurence is funny.

STOP EXPLAINING YOUR JOKES TO US AMERICA. AND WHEN WE DON’T LAUGH, STOP MAKING NEW SHOWS WITH THE SAME JOKES IN THE HOPE THAT WE MIGHT LAUGH THIS TIME.